At the beginning of this year my color was black. The cloud that followed me and the color I wore were both black. At that time my future was even bleak and black as I view it. My God had not forsaken me, I had pulled away from Him. But things have changed. I listened to the tug on my heart to do something. I took steps, not that I really was motivated in the beginning but because I knew deep down I was not a piece of junk. Close but I had not thrown in the towel yet.
If you had told me then that I would be where I am today I maybe would have laughed! More than not I would look at you like you were a fortune teller that didn't know me at all. I have always loved physical work, I didn't mind sweating. Doing something important for a limited time, like building my fish pond was just down my alley but planning to "work out" was not on my sweating schedule. I had gotten to where I paced myself, work hard for a few minutes and then rest. Now I have more stamina, energy and I have lost 20 of those 75 lbs I was carrying the first of the year.
I really enjoy Martial Arts. I sweat till I am dripping on the floor. What is so funny is I love it. I love the moving and pushing myself. I just have to keep pushing the little voice in my head back into a corner. It keeps trying to tell me I am too old, to heavy, I am going to hurt myself, I bruise too easy, and that this won't last. I am still fighting my achilles heel and sometimes it hurts like crazy, but it is not going to stop me. I am working at my rate. My goal in MA is just the next belt. Here I stand today accomplishing that goal for the first time. My belt is Orange. It was never my favorite color but I am beginning to love it. Not for too long. I am on my way to the next one already. Could I possibly work my way to Black Belt? Only time will tell.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Consistent Commitment
Life is getting better and better. The depression is a thing of the past, even if it is not so far in the past. Life has not changed, I have. Another visit to my psychiatrist and she leaves me on the larger dose of Lexapro. I may always be on some kind of anti depression meds. I am okay with that. Life is enjoyable now.
I am still going to Tai Chi classes and meeting people and have fun doing it. I lost some weight and my husband joined me. This makes eating this way so much easier and reduces more stress. The weight is not coming off that quick because I am not on "DIET". I am realistic! At this rate it could be years before I unload the backpack with 70 lbs in it. I know the key is movement, but I hate exercise! I have no motivation to do it on my own.
While at Tai Chi classes I would watch the very young children going thru their routine. It looked so easy for them. I talked with David Hughes again. I ask if he thought I could do Martial Arts. David is so sweet and let me know that weight and age is not a factor. He spent an hour with me, one on one. He showed me what I would be learning and why and about punches and kicks. After he explained how the belt system works, I fell in love with the idea of little chunks of a larger goal. Goals within goals would keep me from looking to far into the future and making the end goal feel unattainable. Now there was nothing stopping me but me. I signed up for 6 months. If I did it month to month it would be so easy to quit after one month. I got my white pajamas, pink gloves and shoes, WCWMA patch and my white belt the beginning place (someone who knows nothing).
I starter Martial Arts, 2 classes a week. It was tough, I was out of breath and sweating from every pore. Within 2 weeks I had my first stripe on my white belt, proof of learning. You cannot imagine how excited I was. Once again that feeling of accomplishment was like a drug I needed. The extra movement helped with the weight, still slow but that is fine.
As of today, 2 months into Martial Arts I am ready for my exam for my Orange belt. I am so happy with myself. The first small goal is within my grasp, I am down 20 lbs. It is getting easier to move. My joints and I are getting along better and I know as I work harder one day the blood pressure will start to come down too.
This weekend WCWMA Extravaganza is taking place. I will be performing with the Tai Chi group and the adult Martial Arts Group. If I pass my test tomorrow I will be receving my orange belt in front of the school.
I am still going to Tai Chi classes and meeting people and have fun doing it. I lost some weight and my husband joined me. This makes eating this way so much easier and reduces more stress. The weight is not coming off that quick because I am not on "DIET". I am realistic! At this rate it could be years before I unload the backpack with 70 lbs in it. I know the key is movement, but I hate exercise! I have no motivation to do it on my own.
While at Tai Chi classes I would watch the very young children going thru their routine. It looked so easy for them. I talked with David Hughes again. I ask if he thought I could do Martial Arts. David is so sweet and let me know that weight and age is not a factor. He spent an hour with me, one on one. He showed me what I would be learning and why and about punches and kicks. After he explained how the belt system works, I fell in love with the idea of little chunks of a larger goal. Goals within goals would keep me from looking to far into the future and making the end goal feel unattainable. Now there was nothing stopping me but me. I signed up for 6 months. If I did it month to month it would be so easy to quit after one month. I got my white pajamas, pink gloves and shoes, WCWMA patch and my white belt the beginning place (someone who knows nothing).
I starter Martial Arts, 2 classes a week. It was tough, I was out of breath and sweating from every pore. Within 2 weeks I had my first stripe on my white belt, proof of learning. You cannot imagine how excited I was. Once again that feeling of accomplishment was like a drug I needed. The extra movement helped with the weight, still slow but that is fine.
As of today, 2 months into Martial Arts I am ready for my exam for my Orange belt. I am so happy with myself. The first small goal is within my grasp, I am down 20 lbs. It is getting easier to move. My joints and I are getting along better and I know as I work harder one day the blood pressure will start to come down too.
This weekend WCWMA Extravaganza is taking place. I will be performing with the Tai Chi group and the adult Martial Arts Group. If I pass my test tomorrow I will be receving my orange belt in front of the school.
A New Commitment
After a month of Tai Chi I began to enjoy my classes. Sometimes I felt like I was old and not capable of bending and remembering the next move, but I stuck with it. Even when it felt like dancing in a blender. Discussions with my therapist were always coming back to my weight and how uncomfortable I felt at 70 lbs. overweight. She told me on 2 different occasions to stop trying and thinking about it. What a relief! Then she told me when I was ready it would all fall into place. I didn't swallow that hook line and sinker. Nope! I am in my 60's and this has been an ongoing battle. IF that was true WHY would it take so long for me to be ready and when would ready happen?
I have GURD, acid reflux. My esophagus is scared and periodically I have a procedure to check my stomach. I had been having some problems with a feeling of hunger all the time, but when I ate I got a pain like reflux. After the EGD the Doctor told me that at some time recently I had an ulcer. It was healed but the scar tissue had closed down the outlet from the stomach. I now had to eat small meals and more of them. She suggested South Beach Diet because it recommends several small meals. Was I going to be forced into a new eating plan? Was I ready? It was easy to eat smaller meals. The pain would stop me. It was easier to eat more often, who wouldn't want too. That was easy. I am doing what I need to why not eliminate all white stuff? Potatoes, breads, rice and pasta were off my radar. I started to loose, slowly, real slowly but I was not on a diet.
I have GURD, acid reflux. My esophagus is scared and periodically I have a procedure to check my stomach. I had been having some problems with a feeling of hunger all the time, but when I ate I got a pain like reflux. After the EGD the Doctor told me that at some time recently I had an ulcer. It was healed but the scar tissue had closed down the outlet from the stomach. I now had to eat small meals and more of them. She suggested South Beach Diet because it recommends several small meals. Was I going to be forced into a new eating plan? Was I ready? It was easy to eat smaller meals. The pain would stop me. It was easier to eat more often, who wouldn't want too. That was easy. I am doing what I need to why not eliminate all white stuff? Potatoes, breads, rice and pasta were off my radar. I started to loose, slowly, real slowly but I was not on a diet.
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