Stronger than I think !

Sometime after my hitting bottom I finally gave in to seeing a Orthopedic Doctor for my achellies tendon. It had been bothering me for months and I had been limping around on it. I had been to an Orthopedic for my right hand in October and had surgery to unlock 2 fingers.  My hand was not 100% yet but I went.   I had a bone spur on my heel and tiny tears in the tendon.  He put me in a cast boot for six weeks.  Relief from the pain was immediate.  I even wore a boot to bed at night.  But once I took the boot off the pain was back.  So it didn't take much to keep me in the boot for six weeks.

After 2 weeks of the increased Lexapro, I finally began to feel better.  Not enough to get out of the house but better.  Still sleepy and ready to nap.   I started therapy sessions and was able to talk to someone who would listen with the intent to help.

After a whole month on the changed prescription I returned to the psychiatrist.  After she had gotten a copy of my blood results from my GP she upped my Lexapro again to 40 mg daily. By the end of the next two weeks, with the increased medicine and the weekly therapy sessions, I was beginning to climb out of the pit. I was beginning to function again.  I still didn't have a real desire to do anything.

The end of Feb. brought the Womens Retreat at Camp NaCoMe.  The Orthopedic gave me the go to take off the cast as I saw fit.  So I wore it off and on until retreat.  I even carried it with me to wear when the foot hurt.

Retreat is usually uplifting under normal conditions but I was not in normal condition.  To be very honest, I went because I was supposed to.  I went through the motions, there were moments of fun and laughter but I was unconnected.  On Saturday afternoon they offered the Zip Line for everyone that wanted to try it.  Here I must explain why I said yes!  The year before I had signed up to go on a Mission Trip with a church group. They have been several years before and had built homes.  I signed up knowing this.  Also knowing how strong I was. No one needs to tell me I am 75 lbs overweight or that I am 63 years old.  So when it was announced that WE could do bible school for the children, I took it to mean ME.  So of course I said YES, I was going to show everyone that I was stronger than I look.

So Saturday afternoon I hiked up a steep hillside to the site of the Zip line.  It was about 50 yards long, ending further up the hillside.  To attach to the zip line you had to climb a 50 ft pole, very much like a telephone pole. There were metal handle/steps attached but to get to them you had to climb a ladder. After hiking that far I was winded and my legs were weak.  There were several that went in front of me so I had time to recover but my determination never wavered.  I put on the harness and helmet and watch the taller younger women climb without fear.  My turn came and I climb the ladder without a second thought.  There was no thought of my heel or the pain this could cause.  I reached up an grabbed the first handle, pulling with my right hand and pushing with my foot.  I didn't even think about my still healing palm.  I just kept moving until I reached the halfway mark.  I failed to tell you I am 5'2" and the metal hooks had been a stretch for me, but the next handle was just out of reach of my right foot with the bad heel.  I had to stop and think, I was not coming down!  My leg was just too short and I had too much fat between me and the pole.  I adjusted my stance leaning to the far, far left and pulled hard with my left hand and my foot made contact.  I was off again until I had to make the transition to the platform.  My arms and legs were limp and felt like noodles.  It took all I had for the last pull and push to stand on the platform.

I can't describe how it felt to stand that high after doing the same thing the others had done only with 75 extra pounds and about 20 year more than the rest.  I was literally so high that I don't really remember the ride on the Zip.  Things in my life turned around with that climb.  I knew I was stronger than even I knew.