Mission Trip

My first therapy visit after retreat I was still flying high.  I felt like I could accomplish anything, except I still seemed not to have the desire I thought I should have.  I was still not getting as much done as I wanted to do.  Naps had become far apart and I had the desire to plan things but not to follow through.  I still felt I didn't want anyone to know that I could become depressed.  I was ashamed!  I learned this in therapy, shame shaped my whole life. So I told a few people that I could trust with my shame.

The mission trip to Honduras was fast approaching and I stayed busy packing and unpacking.  I would have to manage my own bags through airports and every where we went. I still took too much.  My cargo bag weighted less than 50 lbs. My carry ons consisted of a purse/small carry on bag, a backpack with a change of clothes and bath supplies and my Cpap machine bag.  I was starting out handicapped with my weight but baggage was another 75 lb to move around.  I knew I could do anything after climbing that pole.

My medicine was helping with the chemical side of my depression and the talk therapy was helping with the emotional side.  By the time of the trip I was feeling pretty good.  Honduras is beautiful so is the people.  Sleeping in a cabin without air condition, showering with cold water, not being able to drink anything but bottled water were not a problem to me. The first day we traveled, the second day we hiked up Ambassador Mountain (yes mountain).  Almost to the top I told someone I felt like I was on the first day of biggest loser.  Coming down the mountain was just as hard on loose gravel.  I slept good.

I worked on a team building a home for a very poor woman and her son.  I helped with measuring and cutting boards.  We were finished in two days.  All that was left was window screens and screen doors that were finished up by the guys the next day.  I went with all the women to work with the children, it was well worth it.  

I have accomplished many things and this rates right up there with all of them.  I am glad I went.  I don't think the age made things harder on me but the weight did.  When I got home I had lost 3 lbs a good start.  I started thinking about what I ate.  It wasn't till all the photos taken of me in Honduras began showing up.  Who was this FAT, 2 chinned, all belly and boobs old woman I was looking at???  Two weeks after the trip I crashed again.  Depression again!